The level system

Among all the things we've been trying to find for Pajama Monster, a set of rules/consequences that works at all stages of his cycle has been near the top of our list. I think I finally have one, though, as always, Pajama Monster ay throw us all for a loop later.
What we realized is that any system has to fulfill several criteria.
1. It must keep everyone safe all the time
2. It must not punish for negative behaviors (from the down swing) so that the up swing is spent "paying for" what he did previously. This would just rob all of us of any chance to bond, and rob Pajama Monster of his chance to feel successful and rewarded for making good choices
3. It must include appropriate consequences for inappropriate behavior
4. It must work for all phases of his cycle
5. It must be clear to Pajama Monster that he CAN earn trust and rewards, and what it takes to do that

What we came up with was a level system. Negative behavior, such as we see a lot of in a down swing, moves you back. Any day you make good choices (and the bar is set pretty low here) you move 1 day toward the next level. We've got 5 levels. 0-4. Level 0 lasts 2 days, the rest last 1 week. Level 0 is pretty much full restriction. If you're on level 0 you're there for being unsafe, destructive, or consistently causing serious problems. You're in your room or with a parent. Supervision is constant, and no electronics are allowed. Level 1 you can have your electronics, chime on your door at bedtime when we can't supervise because we're sleeping, and 15 minutes on the computer. levels 2-4 add privileges with each level, as we are able to trust more that destructive behaviors won't happen.

We've got 3 categories of infraction, 4 if you count the ones that we just remind him to stop or send him to time out for.

Losing a level:
You can go all the way back to level 0 if you set fire, injure someone such that they need medical attention of any kind, or destroy something your parents define as valuable. (This would include, for example, when Pajama Monster used a rock to dig huge scratches in the new windows we just had installed.)

You can just not make your day (not advance a day) if you're refusing to do the basic things asked of you, generally defiant with warnings to stop, etc

You can go back one day for minor destruction, stealing, hitting, etc.

It sounds complicated, but we just have a little print out with the privileges at each level, the ways to not "make your day" and a little line at the bottom with 7 days marked on it. I use a dry erase to move the mark for which day he's on.

The thing that I like about this is that we can use it for Baby Peep too. She makes her day more often, but we can show Pajama Monster why she's allowed to have some privileges he can't have, and exactly what he needs to do if he's like the same privileges. I trust her to have pencils in her room because she has made safe, non-destructive choices for 4 weeks. If she chooses to stab holes in the wall or scribble on the furniture, she'll lose that privilege, and if you choose to make safe, non-destructive choices for 4 weeks you may have pencils in your room too. It also becomes more restrictive, focusing on supervision and safety if he's making bad choices, and lightens up, giving him more trust and more freedom as he has more and more days where he makes safe and reasonable choices. One thing I wasn't expecting, it helps my husband and I remember to let some things go. If he's not hurting anyone, destroying anything, bullying, or refusing all day to do the basics that he has to do (brush teeth, pick up his stuff, do your homework, not scream threats and defiance at me) then he's doing what we expect and little slip ups are easier to let go.