As you might expect, we've had a number of ups and downs since the last post. The increase dropped the leukocyte count which then stabilized into the normal range. Our last check showed the Depakote levels as at the top of the therapeutic range, so we're staying at this dose and keeping an eye on things month to month. Last Thursday we had a bit of an off day, followed by a rotten Friday and a bad Saturday and Sunday. On Friday he threatened to bring a gun to school and shoot his teachers. Yes, it was a bad day. Fortunately he's only 4 so he isn't being expelled as he might be if this had happened when he was older. The school called to do a safety check and were very nice about it. They seemed satisfied that Pajama Monster has NO access to guns EVER. I'm hoping that this will all be part of the newly emerging pattern we're seeing. It seems that he has a good stretch of time and then a warning day, several rotten days and then another rocky day and we're fine again. It's hard surfing these and remembering that he didn't pick this, that he isn't just deciding to be a malicious little jerk. Still, it's not as bad.
Even during his good phases he has "stuck" moments usually several times per day. He just gets fixated on something and can't let it go. For instance, he decides that he needs to help stir the treat the kids are making BEFORE he washes his hands. He can't accept any reasons for this not being the case and will just keep screaming about it or fighting to do it till he's removed or till I'm able to talk him down.
Our psychiatrist is considering either decreasing the Adderall or adding some Prozac to deal with his stuck moments which she sees as anxiety based. I had actually been asking that we try decreasing the Adderall after the holidays anyway, but I'm hoping we're not looking at adding anything else in. When he gets stuck he seems so panicked over it. During his bad phases he gets even more focused on controlling his sister too. Being two, her coping strategy is to scream when he does this, so that's tons of fun for Mommy.
All in all I just need to remember that things are better now, and even though they're not perfect, and perhaps we'll always have periods where I need to carry him out from the play date, they are better. He's been able to go across the hall after bedtime to use the potty, a huge step in trust. Previously this always ended in him literally destroying things in the bathroom and making huge messes. We haven't had a real poo or urine incident since Oktoberfest, and I chalk those up to being overtired and overstimulated. I just wish that every day didn't feel like waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's also lonely because most parents of disabled children that I know have children who are autistic or cognitively delayed. I don't know anyone with a bipolar child. It would be nice to have someone going through the same thing to go through this with. Thank God I have a husband who is invested in me, the children and the family. I don't know what I'd do without that support.
