Pajama monster often believes he knows everything about everything. He probably wouldn't say it that way, but he does say that he doesn't think he should have to listen to his teacher since he knows so much more than she does, and no matter how great the danger or how firm the limit he's sure he can ignore the limits and danger because he has a smart plan to handle everything. Those plans are almost always pure fantasy and run along the lines of "but if I got a tank and drove it over and used a huge metal pair of tongs to..." He also believes he should be the boss, make the rules, control everyone's actions, and that he has the right to do pretty much whatever he wants whenever he's in that mindset. Grandiosity is a symptom of mania, but seems to be one that isn't talked about a lot in pediatric bipolar. Perhaps it's less common, or just less understood. Perhaps people just chalk it up to bossiness or brattiness, but if it only shows up in a manic episode, it isn't that the child is a brat, it's a symptom of the mania. Frustratingly, this is a chronic struggle with Pajama Monster.
The truth is, he is very bright, and his ideas are often very creative, great ideas, but when that becomes magnified into an inability to join play because he has to change the rules so everyone is following his directions, and an inability to function in Kindergarten without constantly being reminded to follow the rules, it's a problem.
The question is, what do I do about it. Mania doesn't respond to reason. It isn't that he's just not looking at the right set of facts and that's why he's thinking this way. His brain chemistry is making him feel like he's king of the world and so he's acting accordingly. There's no way to argue with that. I can point out the teacher's degree and age and experience, and point out the huge gaping holes in the logic of his plans, but they just don't register when he's manic. He's Superman and I'm just some citizen pointing out that he's wearing his undies on the outside of his costume. He doesn't care. He's Superman!! The only thing that seems to work is to increase the level of supervision till the phase seems to be passing. This is, of course, the very last thing he wants us to do when he's manic, so in some ways we're just causing him to fight against the rules more. The alternative it to let him get hurt though, so we're stuck increasing structure when he wants it the least.
The other thing that has helped some is explaining things from a "because you're awesome and should get what you want" perspective. On some level this is easy, because no matter how much I want to scream at him sometimes, he's my son and I do believe he's awesome and I do want him to get things to make him happy. One of our latest is my explanation on how to get kids to do what you want in play. Pajama Monster's standard MO is to walk up to a group of playing kids, announce some change in the play, then continue yelling, calling and trying to get the attention of the other children while doing everything in his power to get them to follow his new idea. This usually looks something like this: Group of kids are running in circles around a tree roaring and pretending to be dinosaurs. Pajama Monster runs over and announces that he's planting food for the dinosaurs, then tells them to all line up to get their food. The kids at this point are usually just continuing to roar and run in circles. Pajama monster starts calling more loudly, then warning that the food is going to go bad, then that they'll starve, etc. All this time the kids are running and roaring. If by some chance the kids do line up to get the pretend food, Pajama Monster will start micro managing every item of how they line up and what they say to get the food and which foods he will allow them to have, and what happens once they eat them and on and on. It always ends with the kids wandering off to play and Pajama Monster following after them still yelling rules, then being a sad little boy on my lap who doesn't understand why no one will let him play. The upshot of all this is my new "get people to listen to your great play ideas" technique. Step one: Notice EXACTLY what the group of kids are doing. Step two: Do EXACTLY that. Do not add rules or your own spin. Just join THEIR game. Step three: Wait for the kids to show they're playing with you through eye contact, smiling at you or talking with you. Step 4: Suggest (don't order) one of your great ideas Step 5: if they don't like it, wait a minute and try a different great idea, or, if they do like it remember to only decide what YOUR character/self can/can't do.
This is just one little piece. It doesn't fix the help myself to whatever I want and bully my sister and ignore limits issues, but at least maybe it will help him look at ways to get what he wants without just demanding over and over.
